Dealing with Loss of a Loved One During the Holidays
C.W. Post Professor Offers Strategies for Coping with Bereavement During the Holiday Season

December 8, 2005 – The holidays can be a painful time for people who have lost a loved one during the year. Some respond by continuing family traditions, while others choose to change them.

Both approaches deserve support from survivors’ friends and loved ones, said Sarah Hogenauer, R.N., M.S., an adjunct professor of counseling at the C.W. Post Campus of Long Island University and bereavement counselor in Port Washington, N.Y.

“Some people are OK with the ‘empty chair’ kind of approach, where the memory of that person is invited to the occasion, so to speak,” Hogenauer said. “Other folks need the opportunity to change the venue so the empty chair isn’t there.”

A longtime hospice nurse and the founding clinical hospice director at Comprehensive Community Hospice of the Parker Jewish Institute in Lake Success, N.Y., Hogenauer offered some ideas for people dealing with a loss during the holiday season:

--Don’t judge how others grieve. “Grief takes a different tack for every person in a family unit, and that’s one of the most difficult things. Families often become at odds because everyone is grieving in their unique way,” Hogenauer said. “This is a time of great forgiveness, and there’s no right or wrong in this. Everyone is unique.”

--Don’t be embarrassed to get some help. “There is no stigma about getting some assistance at this time,” Hogenauer said. “Sometimes it only takes one or two visits to get through a difficult period. When you sustain an injury, you go to a medical professional who helps you heal. The same is true for bereavement counseling.”

--Change your traditions if it makes you feel better. “The first year is always the worst time. Sometimes help comes just in being given permission to do things differently,” she said.